Exiled
by MonaRider
Summary: Tragedy, love and loss can either break or make a person. This is the story about the Swan and her struggles with what's right and wrong, but nothing is ever black and white.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This came to me while watching Amish Mafia and seeing a banner that brought so many amazing ideas. But, be aware that this won't be the traditional amish story. So don't expect the expected, haha. That should be my warning label. Anyway, enjoy, and thank you for trying my little ditty.**

**As always my disclaimer is I own notta but the plot and shit that my mind comes up with. **

**My banner is by Jessay's Graphics, who graciously let me adopt it and put it to work for this. Also for her letting me keep the titled as she used as is. It was perfect.**

**I have to thank J.R. Durham for reading part of this and giving me mad help. I just love that girl!**

**Enough from me, on with the drabble. -cracks whip-**

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- Exiled prologue -

_We never asked for this._

_We just... I don't even know anymore._

"Has anyone talked to you?" Question of the day. One that happened every day and resulted in the same way.

I shook my head.

"Don't shut me out!"

His anger was justified but so was my silence.

I didn't want to tell him that they-the whole village-wouldn't sell me anything at the market as they were told by Edward to shun me. Or, that Alice stood in my way, eyes down cast, with a sick malicious smile gracing her childlike features, not allowing me to get out. All the while my own father damned my soul. Bible open, holy water in hand and all while everyone in the vicinity watched.

If told Jasper, well he would raise hell that would go unanswered and unresolved. I hated it. It killed him to know that after everything, no matter how much he and I would do... they would not forgive me. And, I was sorry. So sorry for... everything that happened.

"I'm sorry." I whispered so low that it was lost under the roaring of his truck engine as he revved it making the windows rattle. "I'm sorry!" I screamed, hand fisted into my hair as his truck fishtailed down the long dirt road.

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**E/N: So this is the beginning. No need to review unless you want, I write to write not for the acknowledgement. Thanks. **


	2. Chapter 2

**- Exiled -**

**A/N: So it's began. -looks around- It's Friday somewhere... and that dawns the April Drabble Wars, woooo! So here is the actual chapter 1. It will start the story not give you some confused prologue that never makes sense until the end. Yeah, I mind f-d you. Did it feel good? I hate em too, so I understand if you bypassed that shit too. I've always hated prologues, and I usually bypass them when reading others. So I won't hate you if you skipped it. Now lets jump to the past in this one. Enjoy, and thank you for trying my little ditty.**

**See you all tomorrow for more from me and Bella. **

**- Exiled -**

"Bella, can you believe that Edward is taking over for Carlisle?" Alice, my sister, leans into my side, arm looped through mine as she stared dreamily at the Cullen Church.

"I had no idea," I muttered, trying not to let her hear the disinterest in my voice. I didn't care about the gossip and drama especially something as frivolous as a boy, even one of power.

"He is being sworn in today!" Her excitement is infectious and I find myself smiling along with her. Not for the same reasons but it made Alice happy, to see me interested, so I tried for her.

I didn't know Edward as well as Alice. She thought he hung the stars and moon just for her. They had school together, I was already working the fields and helping Ma with the housework before Pastor Cullen brought Edward into the village.

People came and gone often, as we lived on an island that normies wanted to experience our way of life. I never understood it, but they'd come, and then they'd go.

Occasionally one or two would go through the process of being integrated. I never knew what the process was but some seemed like changed people when they emerged from the church days later.

"Bella, don't forget to get the apples!" Ma hollers after Alice and I, making us giggle as this was the eighth time she'd reminded me.


	3. Chapter 3

**-Exiled -**

**A/N: Good morning... Happy Friday, or Saturday depending on where you are. So, still with me? Good, lets get it on, kidding. -shifts awkwardly- Enjoy, and thank you for trying my little ditty.**

**- Exiled -**

With the apples in my basket, Alice skipped ahead singing some song as my mind began to wander. To a far off land where I could run the fields, and be free. It was cockamamy dreaming, but it was mine.

"Perverse and foolish oft I strayed, But yet in love he sought me, And on his shoulder gently laid, And home, rejoicing, brought me."

"Your voice is wondrous!"

Alice squealed falling back into my side, arms flailing, making my basket tip and dump the apples along the dirt path. I sigh, kneeling down to pick them up, rubbing them along my white apron.

"Edward you oaf!" Rosalie Cullen, kneeled beside me, her red apron being used as a apple cleaner.

I was surprised to see her kneel beside me, but more so for the color of her apron. She was married to Royce King, meaning her hymen had been given away but is widowed. Usually she'd be wearing black, for mourning. But as its been months since the "accident" that no one believed was an actual accident. This must mean she was in transition, to be eligible for courting.

"Oh, its quite alright, isn't it Bella?" Alice answered choked up and patting my head as if I was just her dog, or maid. I blanched at the thought but ignored the others, giving my smiles to Rosalie for her help.

"Yes, it's fine, no harm done. Not a bruise to be seen. Thank you." I nod, bowing slightly to Rosalie. "Come along, Alice."

"But," Alice pouted as I raised my eyes to see her inches from Edward Cullen, her eyes focused on him and his eyes were on me. But my eyes bypassed him, drawn to the man standing behind him. His fedora hat was under his arm as he smiled, ran his fingers through his hair and bowed slightly. My cheeks heated, and I bit my cheek to keep from smiling back him as I ducked my chin and eyes, turning away. Tugging on one of Alice's braids trying to break her from the preachers son.


	4. Chapter 4

**-Exiled -**

**A/N: Still with me? I hope you are. Enjoy, and thank you for trying my little ditty.**

**- Exiled -**

There were rules and did not allow a new face to let me break those I've always lived by.

"Oh, momma you should'a seen him." Alice gushed loudly as I peeled the apples and washed the remaining dirt away.

"I bet he was sweetheart," Ma placated her, as she usually did. Alice was eccentric at best but we all loved her. Ma's hip bumped into mine, making me giggle at the faces she was making. I chopped the apples into slices layering them along the golden crust that Ma had made earlier, while I listened to Alice and Ma. This was my favorite time in the afternoon on a Saturday.

"Bella was blushing, I think it was because there was a new boy with them." Alice threw me under the metaphysical bus with a smirk. I rolled my eyes at her, feeling my cheeks heat remembering his icy blue eyes.

The screen door slammed shut making us all jump. "Bella?" Pa interrupted my thoughts and any questions Ma could've asked.

"Yes, Pa?"

"Come along!" He demands.

Looking at Ma, she smiles reassuringly taking over to add the brown sugar and lacing to the top of the pie. Alice, looked close to tears, smiling, I wipe my hands on my apron mouthing 'it's okay' to Alice, before following Pa out the door. She was my sister, I could never be mad at her even when she embarrassed me more than I could count.

My brows scrunched together as I glanced past Pa, to see Edward, Pastor Cullen, and the boy from earlier on the lawn.

"Pastor Cullen, it's a surprise to see you. How are you feeling? Well, I hope," I whispered as I gripped the sides of my dress and curtsied.


	5. Chapter 5

-Exiled -

A/N: Still with me? I hope you are. Enjoy, and thank you for trying my little ditty.

- Exiled -

It was a rule. He was an elder and you always greet them first, as they were in charge.

"Yes, dear Swan, I'm feeling quite well." His voice sounded strained, almost pained. I smiled, 'cause even the pastor lied, sometimes. "Bella, as you know this is my son Edward and the newest addition to the village, Jasper Whitlock." Pastor Cullen continues, eyes clenched and leaning heavily on his cane.

I looked to Pa, on what to do. It wasn't as if girls and boys weren't allowed to talk, it just wasn't something done without permission. Unless you were Alice, she always broke the rules.

Pa nods.

"Mr. Cullen, Mr. Whitlock, pleasant to meet you both." I nodded to both, hands clasped together behind my back as I stood taller. It was what I was taught.

Another unwritten rule. Be polite, and proper at all times.

"Bella," Pa interjected before either of them could open their mouths and return the greeting. I looked to my Father's brown eyes, they looked worse for ware, but my mind was so lost in a pair of blues that they were embedded into my mind. Drowning me in their murky depths. "Edward would like to court you, Pastor Cullen has given his permission."

What? To say I was shocked would he an understatement. I didn't know him. I'd never given him any reason for my interest. And what about..."Pa, Alice?" I knew it made no sense to anyone but to Pa it did, and he nodded sadly. I had no way of saying no, it wasn't my choice. It was another of those unwritten rules. I knew this as did everyone else. Pa would do what was best for me, I had to trust him.

"I've given my permission," Pa added solemnly, looking away from my pleading eyes. I could hear Alice's sobs, as I was breaking on the inside, she was on the outside and I couldn't blame her, but I did feel envious, and slightly cheated.

I nodded. "I look forward to our time, Mr. Cullen. Now if you'll excuse me, I have chores to tend to." My chin to my chest, in a submissive way of agreeing to his terms as Edward dismisses me with an angry sounding, "very well, until then."


	6. Chapter 6

-Exiled -

A/N: Still with me? I hope you are. Enjoy, and thank you for trying my little ditty.

- Exiled -

****"Why you?" Alice screamed at me in the barn, her fists balled up as if she would harm me. I wished she would. I hefted the pitch fork up full of hay tossing it into the stall. This usually was a villages hands job, but as Jacob had gotten married he was preoccupied elsewhere. It was our way and I was happy to pick up the slack especially right now as I had no want to let anyone claim my hand.

"I don't know," I sighed.

"He was supposed to be mine, its not fair!" She stomps her foot and throws hay at me.

"I wished it was you," I confessed, picking the hay from my dress.

"Why, what's so wrong with him?" Alice turned on me.

"Nothing Alice, he just isn't what I wanted. I never wished to be the preachers wife. That was always your dream."

Forking more hay inside, I stepped into the stall spreading the hay to cover the floor.

"Excuse me, for interrupting, but your father asked me to bring Nugget while he and Edward spoke." Jasper interrupted with a sheepish smile with Nugget trying eat his hair.

"Edwards here? Bella! Is there anything in my hair?" Alice, ran her hands along her braids, smoothed down her dress and rushed out of the barn.


	7. Chapter 7

**-Exiled -**

**A/N: Still with me? I hope you are. Enjoy, and thank you for trying my little ditty.**

**- Exiled -**

****"She is interesting," Jasper chuckled, and it warmed my belly. I nodded, taking the bridle from Nugget replacing it with his feed, walking him into the stall and rubbing him down with the brushes.

"Silent type, hmm?"

"It's not allowed," replying to his question. Rules, rules.

"Do you always follow the rules?" He was taunting me, he would follow my eyes, moving into the stall with me. Keeping in my sight, as I ducked to brush Nuggets underbelly there he would be smiling.

"Come now, you can't tell me..." he waves his arms around "...all this is making you happy?"

Goading me, poking my side making me squeal.

"Please, do not touch me!"

I toss an apple into the stall, closing the gate. Jasper mocked me for a moment, following me as I started mucking out the other stall. Stella, was a rowdy horse and made quite a mess.

"Won't you just hear me out for one second?" He begged, hands clasped together and looked ready to kneel in manure to be heard. I rolled my eyes, held out the shovel and nodded to the pile fighting not to smile at his antics.

"Get to muckin' city boy!" I command, if I had to listen to his talking might as well put him to work.

"Bossy, I like that."

I almost turned around and left the barn. I didn't. I should have but watching Jasper just stand there laughing it clouded my mind.


	8. Chapter 8

**-Exiled -**

**A/N: Still with me? I hope you are. Enjoy, and thank you for trying my little ditty.**

**- Exiled -**

****

"Silly girl, I've been doin' this shit longer than you!"

"You expect me to stay here and listen while you, someone I only just met, insults me?"

Raising a brow and wait, he almost looked taken back by my assertion. I hardly stood up to anyone, but when I did Ma and Pa called me trouble.

"I knew there was a personality behind those smooth caramel eyes," he says jovially, shoveling the last bit of manure into the wheelbarrow, and goes to forking hay like a pro. I tried to let his description of my eyes roll off my back. I couldn't I was impressed, but I'd never say so.

My eyes bugged out when he took his shirt off, my fingers twitched wanting to touch the intricate ink covering his shoulders, only indicating that he had a full back piece and more.

"You like?" he asked smugly.

"You have to cover up!" Turning away.

Men's armor were only to he seen by the wife.

It was one of the rules.

"Why did you do that?" I demanded with my back to him.

"He doesn't want you, I do!"

"So you show me something sacred. So, I have to tell and risk being shunned? He was sworn in today, and you're taking what he has a right to."

"You're not a goddamned prize Bells, you're a beautiful human being."

Shocking me for not the first time, I continue to stare at the stall while he left, shirt back on but the intricate letters, wings and cross covering his back haunted me.


	9. Chapter 9

**-Exiled -**

**A/N: Still with me? I hope you are. Enjoy, and thank you for trying my little ditty.**

**- Exiled -**

****

"May I accompany Bella to church?" Jasper asked standing on our front porch Sunday morning.

Pa sat me down the night after I had been all but married off to the pastor-in-line and saw a man's Armour The latter was still a secret, I'd go to my grave never to whisper aloud. Pa told me Jasper was Carlisle's adviser and would soon be Edward's once Carlisle fully retired. I was to treat him as I would any elder.

"Why're you doing this?" I begged, walking in step with him. I tried not to think about his hand on my back, or that he would steer me from footfalls in the path.

"Edward asked I bring you to church, and to get your opinion on him having me court Alice."

My eyes welled up just from the mere thought, I swallowed thickly, and starred the opposite direction then him.

"I told him no. At first he tried to push Rosalie onto me, but that girl has her sights on some normie from the mainland."

My mind was reeling from him courting my sister, making everything just float away.

"Bella, please."

I couldn't allow this to get to me, buck up, and show him I care.

"That sounds like a pleasant idea, I'm sure she will be ecstatic."

I smiled turning to him, curtsied and nodded. Before he could say a word, I walked the few feet to where Edward was standing outside the church with a smug smile and his hand out to escort me up the steps. "Thank you Mr. Whitlock for escorting me to Mr. Cullen."


	10. Chapter 10

-Exiled -

A/N: Still with me? I hope you are. Happy Saturday. Enjoy, and thank you for trying my little ditty.

- Exiled -

Edward was at our house nightly for dinner, and by the time Sunday had come back'round, he was growing on me. He would hold my hand like it was made of china on the porch as we rocked in Ma and Pa's matching wicker chairs. It was nice to just be silent with someone for awhile.

Alice was ignoring me and with Pa and Ma encouraging me, to be more inviting to him. I was trying. It was a shock to see Jasper at the table Sunday morning.

"Bella, it seems Edwards sent Jasper to bring you to the church again. Isn't that sweet darling?" Ma sidled up beside me with warm smiles and crushing side hugs. She was eyeing Jasper as he stared at me, while I tried to look elsewhere.

"That's real sweet of him Momma, think I could bring him a piece of that peach cobbler we made?" I was being a brat but I didn't care.

"What a great idea, of course you can. Jasper, would you like a piece also?"

"Oh no ma'am, thank you very much." He tried to sound cordial but I could hear the anger in his voice. He wasn't the only one as Alice huffed loudly.

My cobbler was a hit. A blow to Jasper who was not dismissed until Edward ate every last bite, licking the spoon. Both, seemed to be angry about something, while acting as if nothing was wrong to me. I didn't get it. Both, of them could have anyone but they seem centered on some sick game of who can get Bella. It made no sense.

'Cause it was no contest. I was given to Edward who seemed set on me being his wife. All he ever asked when we were alone was how many children I'd give him. So, I prayed all through Edwards first sermon. This was his run through, for Carlisle watched on with a critical eye. And, prayed on the way home, that Edward would give up this facade of interest and same with Jasper. I lie sometimes too.


	11. Chapter 11

-Exiled -

A/N: Still with me? I hope you are. I know I failed at uploading today, was busy busy. But never fear I've got a line up for you. Enjoy, and thank you for trying my little ditty.

- Exiled -

Monday brought Edward, and Jasper.

Edward only seemed interested in watching me all through breakfast and especially when Jasper turned and asked Pa for permission to court Alice.

Had I been allowed, I might have screamed or thrown a fit. I didn't. I kept composed as I was taught. Fake it. Hold it in. Never let anyone get the best of you unless they are worthy.

It really wasn't fair. The one boy, no man, I liked was being bartered for my sister. It seemed as if Alice knew, 'cause she smiled and took to Jasper's side as if they'd been married right where they stood.

I knew she could be snotty and vindictive hut never to me.

"So, when you goin' to tattle about seein' my ink? End all this for everyone?" Jasper snuck up behind me, tossing hay into the stall.

"I didn't see anything," I said not looking him in the eye. I was hurt, I was crying so loudly inside but I wouldn't allow him to see. He wasn't worthy.

Spreading the hay around hearing a neigh of Nugget and the cough from Pa.

"Jasper, kindly put your shirt on!" Pa demanded staring over at me, as my eyes raise to see the intricate swirling on the cross. I gasped, hand cover my mouth as Jasper turned slightly towards me and right over his heart... was my name.

Bella marked his flesh with swirly looped lettering.

"How could you?" Pa accused, loud and clear.

Rules were just broken.


	12. Chapter 12

-Exiled -

A/N: Still with me? I hope you are. Enjoy, and thank you for trying my little ditty.

- Exiled -

Pa wasn't looking at Jasper as I hoped.

My eyes welled up with tears as my nose burned with the notion of what just happened. I'd been caught looking at a man's armor that wasn't my husband or even husband to be.

It was a sin. I'd heard of many a to be wed couple sharing everything before the date. I never thought about it much as I figured Pa would marry me to one of the miners when they came a knocking. So my life was never planned to be anything but a barer of children.

A mans armor wasn't to be shown to anyone, Jasper knew what he was doing. But, I'd played into his game. That was why all the men on the village, wore undershirts under their button ups and suspenders. As it was something sacred, special and intimate for their wives. It was just the way, it was.

The ink was their way of showing that they were the man, the protectors, our everything.

"Jasper, I think you need to get Pastor Cullen, Carlisle, not Edward." Ma appeared from one of the stalls, I hadn't known she was in, shocking us all.

Jasper ran from the barn shirt buttoned and tucked in. Pa bug eyed looked at Ma and I for long few minutes.

What was happening?

My eyes hurt, and my cheeks were slick-sticky with salt tracked tears. I don't think I've cried so hard or as much before.

Jasper sat in the chair beside me, I could feel his eyes on me and I had scooted as far as possible to keep his hand from touching me. His way of giving me his sympathy. I didn't want it, he had just damned us.

Carlisle was sitting in front of us at his desk, his wife, Esme rubbing his shoulders.


	13. Chapter 13

"Is this true Bella?" Pastor Cullen coughed into a handkerchief, I knew if we could see there would be blood splattering the cream colored cloth. On occasion I would help him around the church on Sunday evenings when he needed it. He was like a second father. I knew he had lung cancer. We'd prayed much over the years together when I had time from my chores.

I nodded, looking away out the window watching the rain as it slithered along the pane. It only seemed right for the rain to rush in while my world was being torn apart.

"I took my shirt off, its my fault. But, Edward tried to take her from me because of my interest. He knew, and he decided to play a sick cat mouse games, I take the full blame."

Now this was news to me, my face must of shown my confusion as Esme handed me a glass of iced tea before I could even ask for something to drink. She was good at that. Anticipating the needs of others. The definition of a pastors wife. Something, I would never be, thanks to Jasper. I had to be honest I never wanted to be, so in some way he saved me. Not that I would allow him to know that.

Carlisle apologized to me on behalf of his competitive son, for everything that had happened. I didn't know what had just happened but he reached his hand out to Jasper. I was ushered home to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

It made no sense. No one ever told me about this loophole, 'cause once I woke it was the big day. My big day.

Three weeks of knowing him, not that, that wasn't the norm occasionally around here anyway. Rushed marriages. I guess this is where the 'becareful what you wish or pray for' comes from. Running my fingers along the beaded bodice of Ma's wedding gown as she holds it against my front.

"Beautiful," Ma chokes out between tears.

I nodded, and patted her hand on my shoulder looking at her over my shoulder through the mirror.

"Thank you Ma!"

"For what dear?"

"For all of this-" my hand waves around.

"Its your wedding day, sooner than I thought but I'm glad its for love and not obligation." I gasped at how Ma was talking. She was the one to instill mind your manners and elders into me. "I didn't care about the leadership as your father did. But, I stayed for him. I was to run away with Elizabeth."

Elizabeth was Edwards mother, Carlisle's first wife. She ran away when she got pregnant. Ran off with a normie. This was a secret of course. One that only everyone knew about just it wasn't talked about.


	15. Chapter 15

"Shush now, try to think of the good."

I wish it was that easy but I tried.

Everything moved along so fast.

White clouded my vision until the will you obey, and cherish is said and my obligatory, 'I do' is muttered and replied by Jasper in earnest. He lifted the shroud of gauzy white, leaned in haloed by the light to seal our union.

It was memorable, magical, sigh worthy and downright giddy inducing.

I giggled.

I was given my first blue apron.

I cried. Not from the fact that I was married but because the apron made by my mother was perfect.

Jasper stood beside me as the women from the village dropped dishes in front of our table. Even Rosalie, Edward's sister left a key lime pie for us.

I blushed.

It was tradition to leave meals for newlyweds as they'd be locked away for honeymoon.

This just all seemed so rushed and too easy.

Good things don't just happen but I would pretend. Alice even made an apple pie, her smiles seemed so genuine. I returned them with tears, reaching out to hold her hand over the table for only a moment.


	16. Chapter 16

"Do you like it?" Jasper asked as he pulled the buggy to the door of the cottage. It was beautiful. White, with bright sunshine yellow door and matching shutters. "If that smile is all I get then I will cherish it and remember it for all of time."

He jokes, and I make face at him for trying to ruin the moment.

He feigned being hurt while chuckling. He rushed around nugget-Pa's present to us-to hold his arms out to me. "M'lady, " Jasper twirls me, doing some sort of dance with me up to the door. "After you!" He bows, as I open the door I gasp.

Had I thought the outside was amazing, the inside was something out of a normie magazine and I wasn't sure what I thought of that.

There was a flat telly hung on the wall above the fireplace that didn't look at all real. Is this all for looks, faked, pretend? I was starting to let the thoughts that piled on me fill my head. Hearing the steps of Jasper's boots up the steps and coming behind me, on instinct I turn but he holds me still with his fingers dug into my shoulders.

"Is this okay?" Jasper asked, lips brushing along the back of my neck.

"This? Or all this?" I breathed out, my eyes roaming around the room feeling my face heat.

"Please don't fade away," Jasper whispered as he twisted and turned me. The door made an echoing click as it closed, but my attention was on his slightly wind chapped lips, all rosy and slick from his nervous tongue licking.


	17. Chapter 17

I suppose when you know you can, you will and I did.

I raised my arms, fingers and palms brushing along his cleanly shaven cheeks and jaw. Pushed up on my tiptoes, and with all the courage and hope, I pressed my lips to his.

His gasp of my name is swallowed by the sound of ours lips meeting and it was... warm, salty and... so indescribable. I couldn't even put into words. Warmth flooded me and a stinging, no pricking, no electrifying, like lightening spidering type of sensation every time our lips moved.

I was lost in him, in this, in our newly started life.

Jasper walked me through the cottage, my mind not registering until the back of my legs hit the end of the bed.

"Wait!" I screamed before he could push me any further, he backed up instantly.

"Sorry," He apologized, stepping back and looking like he just got caught stealing a cookie. I suppose my virtue was the cookie, so he did have some right to look ashamed. I found it endearing.

I turn around putting my back to him while looking over my shoulder to him. Trying to he alluring, in some way sexy. I was a wife now, I had duties and this was one I wasn't afraid to give to him.

"Please, unzip me first," I whispered.

I didn't have to see the shock on his face to know he thought I was freaking out. I just needed out of my dress before it got ruined or worse ripped.


	18. Chapter 18

"I had wished you'd of remembered me." His voice was low as he seemed to be confessing something to me. I wanted to turn to see him but he held me still.

His fingers trailed along my back as he slowly unzipped my dress. I was trying to be brave and I wanted to hear what he was openly telling me. I\rquote d never been privy to much, except frivolous gossip from Alice, and tidbits Pa would let slip when he and Ma would whisper late at night.

"My family lived here for quite a while, until Carlisle tracked Elizabeth down and we moved to the mainland to keep tabs on her and Edward."

"You lived here?"

Everything else he said forgotten as I listened.

"Yeah, we used to be pals, as close as two kids could be. Running the countryside and eating bugs, more so me than you." He chuckled loudly, reminiscing, sliding his fingers under the lacy material ridding it from my shoulders.

"That was you?" Shocked still watching his fingers run down my arms freeing me.

"So you do remember me?"

I giggled, and nodded. I did, remember him. All blonde hair and sky blue eyes, Ma would call him a cherub baby. His hands rested on my slip covered waist. He worked quick on my dress, it fell around my legs with a whoosh.

His hands were all over me but not in the spots I'd been told he'd go for first.

"Is this okay?" Jasper had one hand splayed across my belly and the other was in my hair. He sounded so innocent, like a boy asking for a piece of candy before supper. I would give him anything.


	19. Chapter 19

I nodded not trusting my voice as I'd probably just embarrass myself if I did use it. I wanted to be bold, so I turned in his arms and started to unbutton his white dress shirt. He had an amused look on his face as he watched me undress him, sliding his black suspenders from his shoulders in the process.

"Is this okay?" I parroted his question back at him, smiling as my fingers ran under his shirt and shoulder on their own accord.

"More than," he replied in a choked whisper as his mouth latched onto my shoulder, and down went my slip. I was left in my sheer white bra and panties that Ma made especially for this day.

I blushed. "Undress your husband but blush over me returning the favor?" He joked in a way that actually made me giggle, lightening the mood.

I was nearly bare in front of him, but my mind shifted to his armour. "Can I see it now?" I asked, but it sounded more like begging to me. I wanted to drown right now but he groaned pulling me closer. I could feel his... its hard as stone, but pliable between us. Its pressed into my low belly as I adjust my eyes down.

"All you had to do was ask," he said it in a cocky way, his hands going for his belt but I stilled his hands.

"I want to see my husbands armor," I whispered, my fingertips brush along his pulsing pink one eyed beast but I don't let it deter me from my mission.

He moaned, and it sent a thrill through me that ended in my nether-I couldn't be childish even my head so I corrected myself-pussy. I cringe at just the thought of the word. The crude word was leaving me feeling as if I'd just sinned. My arms fall to my sides making him frown.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair, his hands on either sides of my face.


	20. Chapter 20

I shook my head, with a giggle making him chuckle throatily.

"So, can I?" He nods, turning and pulling the white ribbed tee over his head showing me his back.

The intricate swirling on the cross called to me, and my fingers ran along them with slow precision. Touching, rubbing and kneading into his inked flesh. I turned him, resting my hand on my name the feel of his heart racing brought a smile to my face.

I was ready. I nodded, and said yes. It was not what I was told. I think because Jasper was slow, gentle and loving. Kisses upon kisses and if I asked for a moment he would and never complained. When we came together as husband and wife, yes, it was painful but the joy and pleasure from just before made it all worth it.

I think, I love my husband.

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E / N: thanks for being patient, the rest will be up tomorrow. I hope. Good night and hope this so far has been enjoyable.


	21. Chapter 21

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A/N: Still with me? I hope you are. I'm having technical difficulties with fanfic so bare wih me.. so this is late and not all of what I was suppose to send. Its a long process to put this up from my tablet. Anyway, enjoy, and thank you for trying my little ditty.

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Before the Roosters even scqwaled their early morning tune, I was up. I made breakfast, and waited for Jasper to wake. He looked so damn young and innocent in his sleep i didn't have the heart to wake him

I screamed as I turned around to a gun pointed at me, Jasper wide eyed staring at me and the plate of pancakes that went skittering to the floor from my freight.

"God damn it!" Jasper growled, rubbing his face, and lowering his gun. I ducked down to clean the mess, and maybe find my wits. He just aimed a gun at me. I was able to pick a few pieces up when i was picked up and sat on the counter.

"I'm sorry," I said as he checked my feet for glass, my eyes on the gun he left on the counter.

"What you got to be sorry for?" Jasper snapped, picking up the pancakes and glass, tossing both. He stands between my legs, boxers hung low on his hips and his hair ratted up on one side as he stares at me.

"I should be sorry, how I could forget you were here... I'm a dummy especially for this." He gestured to his gun. His hand came out brushing his thumb along my cheeks. I wanted to cry but I'd held it in. And, like me I wanted to say sorry again.

Obey thy husband, father, and elders. Rules. So ingrained into me I became submissive at just the thought of him feeling like a dummy as he said he felt.

"Don't do that!" Jasper exclaimed, fingers clenched tightly into the chocolate marble of the counter. "My mother would do that so much, I hated when she would submit, and become so closed in." He pressed his face into my belly.

On instinct my hands wove into his hair and his sigh of contentment urges me, so I fold over him. Comforting my husband. That's right he is mine.

I took a deep breath, shoved him away and hopped down. The expression on his face almost stops me from what I do next but I don't, he wants trouble. He gets it. I reach forward kiss him, whisper 'sorry' and slap him.

"Don't you ever threaten my life, with a gun or otherwise in my house!"

I left him to his thoughts, stomping away from him and the cheesy grin he had on his face, to the bathroom. I fought everything in me to not run in there and beg for forgiveness. But, when he began to laugh, I knew I did something right. It felt good too.


	22. Chapter 22

"Hey," Jasper came up behind me, fingers dug into my sides and lips seared to my neck.

"Hi," I say with a giggle feeling his scruff.

"I've been to see your Father and Carlisle," he says trailing kisses along my bare shoulders. Over our honeymoon month we've become so comfortable with one another. And, I love all he does to me. I love him very much. "I like you this way."

I duck my head, blushing at his final words. My hands still in the sudsy water, sponge clenched tight, as I pretend to scrub a plate. His hands run along my sides and, down to brush the hem of his button up where my legs underneath were bare.

"They are both well I hope," I glance over my shoulder at him more to gauge what I'm to ask or what not to. It was hard to go from being caged in by rules to here. Things were different. I never understood what was expected of me. Or not expected of me.

"Your Father sends word from your mother that she will be by tomorrow with Alice and Carlisle needed to discuss Edwards outbursts lately." I listen as he talks so openly with me in matters of the village.

After our long talk of Edwards anger about our marriage, Carlisle's failing health and the village's acceptance of us. Jasper informed me we'd have to attend church as there was many announcements to be made.

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"Oh my dear Bella," Ma exclaims hopping from the buggy and racing up the steps to wrap her arms around me all before Pa even brought it to a halt.

Alice's face was one of anger, but I had no idea why. I thought for sure we were over all of this.

"You are positively glowing," mother says with a wide knowing smile. I blushed and hid in her hair. Pa and Jasper were talking and chuckling, both with a mug of Village brewed ale.

"Oh, mother, do stop this is embarrassing thinking of Jasper and Bella in the bedroom." She makes a gagging noise standing with her back stiff and her lips curled up.

I had to turn away when I heard Pa's hand collide with Alice's cheek. Ma was chastising her for such talk, and all the while I wanted to go to her side. Say it was me, as I always did. Take blame, and always helping her. Jasper held me tight against his chest.

How had things changed between us over a boy, a boy who wanted me only because someone else did. One that was not even in my picture perfect bubble.

I sat across from Alice, as we ate dinner. She glared the whole time, and I knew I had become withdrawn. Jasper would try to engage me in the talk between Pa and him. But, it wasn't allowed and even if he was my husband. I would never be open with my Pa as I was with him.

"Mr. Black has come by to court Alice, he seems genuine in his pursuit of our little Swan." Pa announced.

I looked up to Alice, and her face paled. I knew James, he was the older brother of Jacob our old hand. He was rude, mean and would do dirty things to girls. Pulling their dresses up and stare at the school marm's behind when she'd walk away, commenting crudely.

"Why? What happened to Edward?" I asked, shocked by my question looking at Pa.

"That is of no concern of yours," Alice snapped, kicking my shin. This resulted in her being punished and Pa, calling it an early night.

"Edward has decided to not take a wife of his choosing." Jasper whispered into my ear as we watched the buggy drive away. I had so many questions but they were all forgotten once I turned in my husbands arms. It all could wait. Nothing was as important as us, together.


	23. Chapter 23

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"What's got you smiling?" Jasper whispered into my ear, as he held my hand in my lap as we sat in a pew together.

"I've never noticed how many looks you get," I leaned into his side and said softly in reply.

"What looks?" He looked thoroughly confused.

"Exactly!" I stifled a giggle and got shushed for it by Pa who was sitting behind us. Even married off my father still tries to parent me. And, the smile on my dear husbands face makes it worth the reprimanding.

"What did you mean?" He leans into my side.

"Women of the village stare," I answer clinging to his side.

"Are you aware of the men who eyes cut to my wife so often that I want to pull my gun out in God's house?" He said with a growl making me giggle. I was never allowed to meet a man's eyes, so it was a surprise to hear. My smile was big, thinking about my husbands possessiveness. I liked it.

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Esme stepped up on the stage, the telly hung high on the wall showed an up close version of her. She stood tall beside her husband. As her voice filtered through the church it captivated all.

Esme Cullen was the best singer on the island. It would bring tears to eyes of tough miners and farmers alike.

After Esme wipes her tears from the applause and stands off to the side letting Carlisle take the stage again the atmosphere has changed greatly.

"With great trepidation I, my wife and my doctor has informed me that the cancer has spread." The silence of the church was deafening and Carlisle was looking at his wife, his smile forced. I looked to Jasper, clinging to his side, not caring how it looked to others. I needed my husbands comfort. "In my absence I leave you in the hands of Jasper, as Edward is away on business."


	24. Chapter 24

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For two weeks since the announcement things had been strained.

Not between Jasper and I, but more for the mourning for Carlisle. He wasn't even dead yet and people were thinking he worse. Like everything will end here just because of his death. I sighed at the thought.

The villages outcry of Jasper being in the big seat until Edward is found has not been easy, especially on Jasper. His father called him on his fancy satellite phone.

It was bad news about his mother. She had a stroke.

Things were strained to say the least.

No one had seen Edward much since our wedding and he was the only heir to the Villages metaphorical thron so he needed found. I was also feeling selfish, wishing to have my husband back.

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I laid out a dinner to rival all others. It was the night I'd finally say "I love you" but I waited util the wee morning rays shined along the horizon before packing it all away. Started my day and went about my duties. That evening when I all hut poured my over worked self into bed, jasper did the same.

"I'm sorry, I sent little Taylor to tell you I got cornered by the miners for a sit down with the farmers, but he got sidetracked with something or another. Had I known you'd made a special dinner I would of came home." Jasper whispered along my shoulder, hands caressing my arms.

"Did everything get resolved?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Yeah, it seemed just some excuse to stay out all night and drink." He chuckled, rubbing his nose into the back of my neck.

"I love you," I whispered back with a sniffle. It was as good a time as any. He gasped, choked and chuckled all at the same time.

"God as my witness I love you too!"

At least I could still bring smiles to his face. Life was good in our bubble.


	25. Chapter 25

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The heat was making me irritable. Walking up the steps after a long afternoon of cleaning the stall for Nugget. My back hurt and I knew we weren't expecting, again. The tell tale sign of cramping had been keeping me in a constant cringe and bare with it predicament.

I could feel the tears as I thought about the last two hopes of a child. All the women on the island bled the week of the full moon. And, as the moons passed so did my hope. The creak of the rocking chair startled me. I turn, my hand kneading into the small of my back.

James the son of Billy, brother to Jacob my family's old stall hand. I was surprised to see him at all, I scrunch my brows but he doesn't look up at me. I was about to ask why he was sat on my porch but I was interrupted by the devil himself.

"Please join me, Bella," I hear Edward say from inside my home. I wondered what he was doing here and inside my home, Jasper was going to pick him up from the docks last I known. I step inside the door. "You will do as I say!" He commands, sitting in my favorite afternoon reading chair.

It sat beside one of the large paned windows and sometimes Jasper would read to me. It was a spot that was just mine.

I shook my head. He may be the new preacher but I had a husband now that would not allow anyone to disrespect me in my own home. This was my home. I was about to open my mouth to tell him just that, when something hit the back of my head.


	26. Chapter 26

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"You okay?" A whispered voice comes from behind me.

"Pssst, hey you?" She was persistent. My eyes blinked heavily as my mind fought to adjust.

"So you volunteered for the cleansing, eh?" Again the girl tried to engage me, I couldn't remember how I got there but I would know the church basement anywhere. With the musty old bibles in stacks, upon stacks and pews for as long as the eye could see. It was no mistaking this place.

I raised onto my knees, trying to keep as much modesty as possible with my torn dress and I prayed.

I prayed for Jasper, my family and myself.

I prayed so hard and loud, that the girl started complaining.

"I didn't sign up for this shit, I was promised rich guys willing to take care of me, not batty ladies in rags! hello, anyone listening?"


	27. Chapter 27

"Pray for the sins of our children, pray for the loves lost and pray for the Swan to be brought back to us...amen." Edwards sermon even full of lies and snide comments brought tears to my eyes.

I listened to the sermon being pumped into the basement from speakers. The girl I'd come to know as Jessica was a volunteer for the immersion process. I didn't care really but all she did was talk.

Where was Jasper? He had to know I'd never run off, not afyer, everything.

it didnt take long for the precher to make his persense known. "Hows the fasting coming along?" His hands are up as if god himself was whispering in his ear. "Oh dear swan, youve been so good. Praying to the heavens, to god himself, i'm you'll be forgiven in no time." His voice is low, I keep my head down in some sort of submissive postition mother had told me would fix any situation wi th an orate male. I hoped she was right.

"Oh no, that little trick won't work on me!" He snips while prodding me with some stick. "Squeal piggy, squeal," he prods again. He continues on until I'm screaming in pain, Jessica squeals much like a pig, earning a smile from Edward. This was disgusting, degrading and I wouldn't do it. I cried out when the stick prodded my shoulder again. I knew it bruise but in wouldn't let him win. He was disgustingly cruel.


	28. Chapter 28

Screaming, I cowered in the corner as Edward let Jessica spray me with a hose.

"Cleanse her soul," he repeatedly told her, his hands on her waist. She'd become his plaything, I hardly knew when day was night or how long id been gone. My only solace was Sunday sermon, four, so I'd been gone four weeks at the least.

In that time Jessica had been primped, polished and poised into this mindless submissive woman. She was me not to long ago. I hope It'd never of come this but I just don't know.

I collapsed to the floor, my arm scrabbing along a rusted nail making me cry out only urging Jessica and Edward more. The blood rushing down my arm washed away with the spray of water.

My vision blurred and my eyes fluttered close. Even with the bombardment of freezing cold water I passed out and dreamt of jasper and I, home, safe.

"I'm sorry," Jessica whispered from her cot when I groaned waking in my cot a bloody bandage taped on my arm. I wouldn't allow her a guilt-free moment, turning away from her I cried into my pillow.


	29. Chapter 29

My teeth were chattering as I curled in the soaking wet bed, not letting her have the benefit of my anger. And, I was so angry, somewhere deep inside of me, I wanted to cause her pain. But mostly I just wanted to go home.

"Are you sure she got on that barge?" Jasper's voice filtered from above me.

I go to scream but Jessica covers my mouth.

"I'm positive," Edward said, without missing a beat, his lie was so smooth. I think I might have fallen for it had I not been where I was.

"This is what you get for turning him down," Jessica goaded, digging her nails into my barely healed wound.

The water treatment had become a regular occurrence, and she liked to cause me pain once she heard I turned the preacher down for his advisor. I was a harlot in her eyes.

"Why would she leave?" Jasper sounded so defeated and that had me sobbing, fighting Jessica, but I was just too weak.

"I know not the mind of a woman," Edward replied, and he said it so in a joking manner, but I knew my Jasper never even cracked a smile. I knew him all too well, to know when he thought something was funny he snorted. He didn't and for that I was glad, there was hope. He was sure I didn't leave, he was sure something happened. I knew my husband, and he knew me, or so I hoped.


	30. Chapter 30

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"I guess I dont either," Jasper whispered, and I listened to his dragged boot steps. Longing for them to come closer, to listen to my heartbreaking, to hear my hop flutterimg away as he moved from me. But, before the creak of the door that brought tears to my eyes and down my cheeks every sunday came the words that had me wanting to die.

"I'm going mainland for a week, my Pa needs me."

It was clear in the unspoken words. His Ma passed away, I just knew it. I wasnt there to hold him or even kiss his tears away.

"Maybe, luck'll be in your favor and she'll be back when ya return?" Edward offers questioningly as if he was asking hisself this.

Maybe, he was. "Maybe," Jasper said, followed by the creak of the door and he was gone.

I broke. Screaming behind Jessica's hand, more for the ache in my heart than for the pain in my arm. 'Cause now it seemed, I was doomed and there was no one to save me.

A week. I had a week to get on Edward's good side. If it was possible. I would be my own savior, no matter what and be there for my dear husband. I had to comply, I had to fully submit. It was time to give in.

Not long, maybe a day or two sice Jasper left, I was brought from the basement. The doctor, coincidently a normie named Emmett had to look at my arm. Rosalie was there to play nurse and it was the first time id seen her atually smile. But, she looked on at Edward warily. She was right to, as Edward lied through his teeth so smoothly. Told them he'd found me wandering the country side muttering jibberish. That he was sure i had been possesed by the devil, and attacked him.

I just let his lies rule me.

Dr. Emmett McCarty kept engaging me but I kept silent. A mantra of a countdown for Jasper. I kept my mouth shut even when he told Edward my arm was too badly infected, and damaged. He showed me my fingers that had turned this greenish black color.

How had I not noticed that before? I stared at them even when they brought my mother to the clinic, trying to help acclimate me back to the now. I was here, I just wasn't going to say anything. My head bowed, tears slipped as my Ma begged for me to return.

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**E/N: last one today, sorry its slow process of uploading from tablet and I've got school work/midterms to study for. Thanks foe being patient with me.**


	31. Chapter 31

Ma and Rosalie helped me get cleaned up as Emmett prepped. I watched him pull things from drawers, cabinets and it all became so clear. I was to lose my arm and... "Jasper?" I whispered, clutching my mothers dress as did when I was a child.

"Still mainland, sent word but nothing yet." Ma brushed my hair from my face. "What's happen to my swan?"

I sobbed into her arms. It all broke, and finslly came to reslize just how utterly alone I was.

"Bella?" Alice called from the doorway, her face ashen. I opened my arms on instinct but she slapped me before Edward grabbed her. I had not even realized he was still here until he held my sister in his arms.

Almost tenderly, something I don't think I've ever seen cross his face was love. "You're nothing but a harlot, you temptress!" She screamed as she fought to get me.

- Exiled-

"Wives make their husbands dinner," Edward said from the living room. He had taken the pills Emmett had given me, saying he would act in my best interest.

Jasper didn't return when he said he would. Edward said he knew I was home but had business to take care of. As the days passed in the clinic I'd started to lose hope. Nothing good would come, Jasper wasn't going to save me.

"My husband isn't here," I muttered to him. He has taken everything from me. There was nothing more he could do.

I was wrong. He advanced on me, making me back into the counter gasping as he shoved his forearm into my throat. I was so wrong.

"You're nothing but a little mouse," he sneered down at me.

"Sir, if you damage her vocal cords their might be repricutions." James said from somewhere in my house. I had not known he was here.

"And, what do you have in mind?" Edward asked him, not bothering to release me or his hold. The counter was bruising into my back, and sparks in my vision had me concerned I'd pass out soon. I coulfnt give him thst would he do if I passed out, or what couldn't he do if I wasn't aware and conscious.

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Chained in the cellar, I paced, I cried and I dreamed.

Down here I was safe.

Safe from the beatings in the name of the lord.

In the name of Jesus, Edward, James... the list went on.

I feared meal time. One or both would bring me up to prepare meals, give me my pills and if I did something wrong. No matter how minute it could be as a pea out of place, he tied me to the cross that Edward installed in my room.

A whipping until I bled, until I weeped, until I begged, and until I prayed to them for some relief.


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: if the mention of sensitive matters brothers you, skip this chapter.

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After my morning whipping, I'd be knelt beside Edward where he petted my head. James would clean my back, assess the damage and give me my pills.

I can't say for sure what happened once my pills took effect, but I knew, I knew what they did. Where they did it and how. I just didn't know why, they've taken my everything.

Why do that? Was it for their own pleasure? To bury their seed inside of me in hopes of a child?

Waking in my bed with the tell tale signs of raw pain and tears stained cheeks. I'd take advantage of the time alone, to shower with a locked door and scrub my skin of their filth.

This was the only time I could show emotion without the threat of a whipping. I sobbed loudly under the beating of the hot water. Praying this nightmare will be over soon.


	33. Chapter 33

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Ma sat on the couch beside me her hands wrapped tightly around mine. "Bells, how're you?"

What a loaded question. Who would believe me? I shrug, lifting a shoulder that wasn't in pain. Silence was my friend. No one asked if I never talked.

"She seems to be doing much better," Edward commented to Pa. "And, I've gotten word from Jasper he will be home at the end of the week!"

"I'm quite disappointed in that boy," Pa said while smoothing his mustache.

"How so?"

"My daughter needed him and he has not returned. A month of nothing, she is healing up and he has no idea the pain she is in. Or that he even returned. That boy is no good in my book."

I couldn't say I hadn't felt the same about jasper. Did he know what was happening to me? Did he even care? Ma kept quiet for the rest of her visit only holding me close and rocking me. I felt safe in her arms. I took solace in her arms.


	34. Chapter 34

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I stood on the porch, the knitted wrap clung around me by my right hand. I watch his brown truck approach, and speed up as he circled the drive to the cottage. I giggled hoarsely, as he ran from the still running truck to me. I was crushed into his arms as we clung to one another. His whispered 'I love yous' and 'thank you' clung to me like a second skin. I didn't want this moment to end, but of course it had.

"Jasper, nice of you to return," Edward said from the chair by the window. It wasn't mine anymore, he'd tainted it.

"Edward?" Jaspers voice raised, and I wanted to hide. On instinct my chin touched my chest and I stepped from his embrace.

"Come, Bella." Edward commanded. I followed the order to a tee, kneeled beside his chair as his hand ran along the crown of my head. He forced my face up to look at Jaspers blatant disgust. "Show your husband what has come of his wife!"

I tried to turn my head but it earned me a pinch at the top of my spine. I was used to his punishments, it angered him when I didn't react anymore. He wanted me to show Jasper my stump of an arm and watch his expression.

I let the wrap go.

"You fucking bastard, what did you do to her? Nevermind get the fuck out, now!" Jasper pulled his gun from behind his back and raised it at a laughing Edward.

"See you soon, little miss."

It was a warning and a promise all rolled into one threat.

"Like hell you will!" Jasper had me in his arms, and carried me to the bed. I tried to not freak at being in this bed again, but I think he knew something bad had happened. He stripped the bed, all while holding me to his chest. I obliged, and clung to him. This was my Jasper, my husband.

"What did he do to you?" Jasper had rocked me back and forth, as I sobbed, slept and sobbed more. I felt so safe in his arms. "I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair as the sky began to brighten.

At some point he fell asleep, and by some small grace he didn't wake when I slipped from his arms. I showered and started my chores. First the chicken coops, then Nugget who neighed as I opened his stall letting him out for a run in the pasture.

"Bella, bella, god dammit. Bella!" Jasper screamed kneeling on the porch. With my basket of eggs on my right arm I walked up the steps hearing the most heartbreaking sobs.

"Jas-" my throat itched and ached from just the first part, as I hadn't spoken in weeks, or longer. I'd lost track.

Eggs splat to the ground as Jasper picked me up, much like our wedding night he danced with me in his arms inside. I smiled, it all felt so normal and I wanted to be happy.

"Multiply it by infinity, take it to the depths of forever and you'll still only have a glimpse of how much I love you," My husband was a charmer. He knew that words would not fix all that's happened but he was trying. I was okay with that.


	35. Chapter 35

"Will you tell me what happened?"

I shrugged, dipping to the floor out of his sight as I lite the pilot light.

"Bella, please!" This time he begged.

I shrugged again 'cause who would he believe? Edward told the Village I was possessed by a demon, that I rooved the hills for weeks. That when I returned they had to use extreme immersion and seclusion to return me to my health.

I knew the answer, but would I put him in the predicament to go against our people? I kept silent.

Dinner was tense. Gone was the footsie under the table, gone was the whispers of the night would bring, and gone was all hope in our life.

We drifted into a silent agreement.

I did what I did around our little farm, and he'd drive into the village to work with Carlise and Edward. He never mentioned them, especially Edward. He'd beg for days, weeks for me to explain what happened. I couldn't.

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The spring dance was fast approaching and subtle hints from Jasper did not go unnoticed.

A flower left on the counter with a ribbon that had ink smeared 'I love you's.

A new dress made by mother hanging in the closet with a note saying to chin up and be the swan she knows I am.

'Blossum Bella,' she'd always say when I wasn't being my self.

Every morning I woke to Jasper's arms around me, one hand held tightly onto my stump, and his breath along my neck.

All so comforting.

We never talked about my arm, I never told, and he stopped asking. It's not that I didnt want to be honest. I wanted to jump back in our marriage, to give him a child and the love he deserves.

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My mouth filled with bile, making sob loudly.

"Bella?" His morning groggy voice calmed me.

"They... locked me up. I couldnt get out, I tried so many times. I lost so much hope when I heard you tell... told... 'bout going mainland. I thought I'd lost you forever!" I was snot-nosed blubbering to him and he kept so silent.

I tried to roll to see him, afriad he may hate me. I hadnt told him the worst of it. That...

"He had you in the cages?"

I nodded, and the urge to throw up was there instantly. it was rolling through me, ready to spew,

"How could he, why would he?" Jasper grabbed his gun, popping the bullet holder out to check, pulled me up and tugged me to the back door.

I'm trying to keep up, but I'm so scared that this is it. He has had enough, and hoping, praying he won't kill me.

I cried, drug my feet and screamed "I'm sorry" over and over becoming hysterical.

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"Bella, baby stop, open those eyes please!"

I do, and to my surprise he is holding his gun out to me, not at me.

"Take it," he said in his commanding tone.

I took the gun in my hand, it was heavier than I thought and it unbalanced me. "This, will take patience." His arms around me, helping me keep steady, aiming with one arm to show me it was possible. It was so intimate, his one hand on mine and the other splayed across my belly. This was what I needed.

"Aim, and shoot." he'd whispered into my ear, until he was standing beside me and I was doing it myself.

It felt good.

We shot all afternoon, bottles, cans and the like. I knew that all things came to an end and mine came to a screeching halt.

"I have to return to the mainland, very soon."

My heart plummeted. He was leaving me. I'd have to endure... him. He wouldn't allow me peace, I was surprised he'd stayed away as long as he had. I had taken solace in Jasper, my hero, my savoir, my angel.

I nodded, turned, dropped the gun and headed inside. Dinner needed made, chickens needed tending to and I was sure Nugget could use a brushing.

"Bella?" He followed me, trying to get my attention.

This all seemed so familiar. I laughed, tears pricking my eyes. He gave me a hopeful glance, but when I turned away he sighed. This was much like when he was unceremoniously courting me in his own way.

"Dammit, Bella, look at me!"


	36. Chapter 36

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I'd ignored him for hours.

Finally while sitting at the table, moving the food around my plate, my stomach was in knots. I'd done all I sat out to do. Nugget was happy, eggs were stored and I had changed from my all too revealing slip I slept and shot his gun, in. I just couldn't understand this feeling I had, dread.

I raised my eyes, not meeting his, it was making me feel like the rebellious teenager that harbored so much hate but I knew I didn't. But, I couldn't deny that as of late I was so full of it. It wasn't for him, okay not much of it was for him.

"Come with me, I've put it off long enough. Come to the mainlands, meet my father and help me, so I can help you."

I didn't want to believe, thinking this was some sick mind game that... he... he... that Edward had made me endure.

- Exiled -

Ma came to the farm bright and early, she loved my kitchen and at the rosters persistant doodling I rose too. I found her in the kictehn, hummig some far off tune as Jasper drank coffee, his eyes staring into the cup as if it had the meaning of life. Or the answers he so desperetly needed.

"Did she tell you about her arm?"

I clasped my hand over my mouth, hiding so not to be seen. Why would he ask her that?

"She hardly speaks, surely you've noticed that!" Ma snapped at Jasper. He looked stunned but not at all put out by her conviction towards me. "Boy, had your Ma not just past I'd be asking what's gotten into your head. That girl of ours, needs your strength, needs you to guide her. Don't be letting this island suck her in. It will destroy her, as it did Elizabeth!" Ma was angrier than I'd ever seen her.

I made my presence known with a yawn, Jasper tickled his fingers along my stump but I shied away. I took the cup Ma offered and sighed into the milky coffee. She knew just the way I liked it.

Jasper and Ma, kept quiet.

"I'm okay," I said feeling they needed to hear it, but I could hear the lie melt away leaving me raw and emotional.


	37. Chapter 37

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The whispers were disconcerning but what was hurting me the most was seeing Jessica on Edward's arm, and Alice on James's.

It made me sick. I swallowed the bile and clutched Jasper's arm tighter. I didn't want to do this. Carlisle smiled from his throne like perch, offerings of rocks, pebbles and jewels laid out on the stairs below him. He looked like a god.

I frowned not having brought anything to contribute but Jaspers lips to my temple, gave me reason to smile.

Seeing Ma and Pa, spinning around the dance floor. They looked so happy. And in turn, brought giggles from my lips.

I looked at Jasper, his jaw was set, clenched tight. He watched Edward with a glare. I yanked his arm, in a 'lookit me' and he obliged.

"Dance with me?"

He nodded, we hadn't danced since our wedding. We glided along the dance floor with little help from my feet as they were on his. It was perfect.

- Exiled -

After the dance, the pidied looks and whispers finally got to me. The whispers were about my weclusion and how I should be bowing to Edward for his exercism. I begged Jasper to go and, he seemed relieved.

The cool night air was a relief on my heated skin. The community hall was packed and hot. Jasper whispered 'I love yous' and 'ive missed yous' all the way home. I knew what he wanted, I knew what he thought was to happen tonight. I didn't know if I could.

"Jasper," I whispered into the hoove clops of Nugget. He neighed as Jasper hummed. "I...I've been unfaithful." I didn't know how to tell him that I'd let my body be used by others.

The buggy came to a hault, jarring me forward, but his arm stretched out stopped me from flying out.

"What do you mean?" He sounded defeated, hurt and so low. I never wanted him to feel such a way. In the moonlight I could see the tears stream down his face.

"I gave them power to do as they wanted, I let them have what was only yours." I said softly into the night, looking away from his shaking shoulders.


	38. Chapter 38

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Jasper left after he thought I was sleeping. He never asked who I was unfaithul with, or commented on it. It was as if it never happened. Like I had said nothing.

So after hours of waiting for him to return, and to show some sort of emotion over this, I fell asleep. It was light and I was up before before the rooster.

Emmett came bright and early, Jasper was still gone, but I didn't feel at all uncomfortable around the normie doc. I made him a cup of tea and we sat at the table.

"You look better," he commented, taking a sip.

"I am!" I nodded, because I felt better. After Jasper's invitation to the mainland to help his father. I was looking forward to seeing the country he was raised in.

Jasper came in looking haggard, he looked from me to Emmett before he turned red. "Get out of my home normie, before I pull my glock out and blow your brains all over my dear wife." I gasped at his words, they were beyond anyry. I had nver seen him so... evil.

"Jasper?" I whispered, tucking my chin to my chest and kneeling. Tears flowed from my eyes as I retreated to a place no one could reach.

I woke later in bed and Jasper's snoring from the couch was evident.

- Exiled -

Packed up and ready for my first trip off the island. I was excited to meet Jasper's father, but more importantly I couldn't wait to be away from... them. I hoped this was still all real and not some sick game. Jasper was never around and when he was he was angry. Always so damn angry.

Alice married James, without even inviting me. It was a villages invite but Ma said she was in a mood and asked I not come. I was hurt, beyond so, but I knew Alice was going through something. I sent one of my pies along, to make nice. I missed my sister.

"Everything packed?" Esme asked from the doorway. I nodded, adding a 'just about.' "You can talk to me, you know that right!"

"Yea, I know." I looked around, searching for an exit. Jasper told her, she knew I was tainted. Knew I was used. I panicked slipping to the floor sobbing. "Don't touch me!" I screamed as she kneeled down to comfort me.

I needed Jasper, where was he, why was he always gone when I needed him most?


	39. Chapter 39

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"What happened to her?" Esme demanded, and I was pretty sure, she was asking about me.

"I don't know, if it wasn't for Jacob, I would of killed Edward tonight. He said he never touched her in anyway that would be untoward, but admitted to whipping her and letting James watch her when he had other obligations. He said that it was the only way." I could hear the anger in his voice as he recounted Edward's words so clearly.

"Carlisle is too sick to take over again, would you step up if he denounced him?"

I gasped, and didn't hear Jasper's reply or any after. They'd moved to the porch, then I heard Esme's buggy pull away.

"Bella?" Jasper slowly moved to my side, with arms tight around me. "I need you to tell me everything, I need to know!"

And, for once I listened.

I told him everything exactly how I seen it. But, then he had me repeat that "it wasn't my fault" over and over as he rocked me slowly in his arms.


	40. Chapter 40

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The barge made me sick, I was in a constant state of sickness. Jasper was so worried, but I knew. I knew that I... that I. I just knew I was purging myself of everything.

The drive that accompanied the barge ride was slow and bumpy. Jasper said his dad lived on a farm much like ours but, he had cattle, not crops. I nodded.

Coronal Whitlock was a scary man. Tall, big and broad. He looked much like Emmett the doc on the village. Like a humanized giant. The moment he opened his arms and spoke a few words I was his.

"Welcome home little swan," I sobbed into his chest. I remembered him from my childhood. He'd kiss my boo boo's and scare Jasper away when he would tease me.

"Pa you're stealing my wife," Jasper whined jovially. I could see and hear the humor in his tone and face, over the cornols shoulder. I was home.


	41. Chapter 41

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We could only stay two weeks, and in that time I became addicted to chocolates, candy and burgers from McDonald's. Those golden arches lured me in. Jasper had laughed when I got a meal intended for kids. I wanted the toy. He said I acted like a kid and I told him in this land I was, it was all new. I wanted to try it all.

The last night of our stay came all to soon. I had said my good byes to the cows, calfs and coronal, the latter had me snot nosed and sobbing.

"You okay?" Jasper whispered from his side of the bed.

Ever since I told him what happened, and we both found out Edward was only doing what he thought he should. That Edward went about it wrong, thinking the only way id choose anyone over him was if I was possessed. Even I had a hard time believing that. James was the one to do things to me when my pills would knock me out. Jasper was distant.

He seemed... unwilling to accept and so was I.

I shuddered. "No, I'm not." I answered truthfully. I didn't want to go back.

- Exiled -

Jasper held me to his side as we drove to the barge. It semed to go so quick this time. Before I knew it we were back on the island.

Sweat trickled down behind my ears, and I could feel the stares as we drove through the village. I was plastered to Jasper's side as he guided us home. It all seemed so surreal. I never thought life on the island was wrong, or deviant. But now, I could see all the evils and all the wrongs.

Coronal sat with me outside the house one night, about the second night there. I was lonely, and Jasper was sleeping in a different guest room.

"Girl let me see those pearly whites," he said, knees popping as he sat beside me. He was a stubborn old man who waved off my hand with a chuckle. One that reminded me of my Jasper, not this angry boy who was left in his place.

Jasper told me he was more angry at himself than to me, how he could stay away so long. How his messages never reached me or my family. It all pointed to Edward and his... whatever it was. I smiled for him and he clucked at me. This made me giggle and his arm came around me, as we watched the sun rise.

Neither of them ever pushed me. I admired my husband and his father dearly, they kept me safe, sane and out of the darkness where my mind dwelled at times.

"I wouldn't have blamed you if you wanted to stay," Jasper broke the silence as we plowed along the dirt path to home.

"I need you!" I said, hoping he got what I was trying to say. I needed him, he wouldn't be on the mainland and I couldn't live without his warmth. His love.


	42. Chapter 42

- Exiled -

Days passed slowly. I stayed home. Jasper took over for Edward, and according to Esme-who brought it upon herself to stop by daily-and Jasper. I stayed home, where it was safe. Even with the lingering memories of everything.

This was my home.

This was mine and I re-owned.

Using my feet to hold onto the sheets, I ripped them to shreds and danced in the pile. Stomping the evil from it. I knew it wasn't that easy but for now, it was what I had. The rest of the house got tossed.

Dishes broke, sorta. I lined em up outside and shoot them. it felt good. I felt good, new, reborn and in power of my own self.

* * *

**E/N: I'm starting to wrap things up, the end will be a wow and the prologue is coming in a few short chapters. Love all the reviews and I have tried to get to most of all of you. Goddess, it's amazing the love it's gotten. There is many ways to poke at me if ever needed, facebook for one is one of the best ways. Try me, if you want to rant about something, please do so. xoxo - Mona**


	43. Chapter 43

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I wasn't pregnant or would I ever become with child. It just wasn't possible, or at least thats what the normie said.

"It may be unconventional, but the congregation is really enjoying Rosalie's sermons." Jasper tried for the fifth or more times to get me to talk. I felt unwilling to even listen to these trivial things. I was infertile. That's all my mind thought about. "I think you should go stay with Pa," Jasper said forcefully. his fork drops to his plate with a loud clink. "You've been drifting Bella, Please... talk to me, tell me everything is okay." He is begging me.

I rose from the table and left him to his, whatever. I shot the tree out back a million times, reloading the mag over and over until I'm a sobbing mess. I wanted a baby. I wanted to give Jasper a baby.

- Exiled -

"Pa will meet you at the barge in the morning," Jasper said with very little conviction. I knew he wanted me to fight him. But, I had nothing left in me to fight. After everything, I was denied the one thing I knew could bring light to my darkness.

I turned away from him, took my basket and headed out the door. I wanted to make Jasper a apple pie one last time if he was sending me away. It was the least I could do.


	44. Chapter 44

- **Exiled** -

"Why're you writing about it again?" Jasper's voice was full of irritation, and I couldn't blame him, it's all he seemed to be anymore. Especially for my constant journaling.

I shrugged, looking away from the stark white page; that had only a few scribbles on it.

We never asked for this.

We just... I don't even know anymore.

"Has anyone talked to you?"

Question of the day.

One that happened every day and resulted in the same way.

I shook my head.

"Don't shut me out!"

His anger was justified but so was my silence.

I didn't want to tell him that they-the whole village-wouldn't sell me anything at the market as they were told by Edward to shun me. Even after his reign had ended... I was the one to raise the gun at James and kill him in the village square. Alice also stood in my way, eyes down cast, with a sick malicious smile gracing her childlike features, not allowing me to get out. All the while my own father damned my soul. Bible open, holy water in hand and all while everyone in the vicinity watched.

If told him, he, Jasper would raise hell that would go unanswered and unresolved. I hated it. It killed him to know that after everything, no matter how much he and I would do... they would not forgive me. And, I was sorry.

"I'm sorry." I whispered so low that it was lost under the roaring of his truck engine as he revved it making the windows rattle. "I'm sorry!" I screamed, hand fisted into my hair as his truck fishtailed down the long dirt road.

- **Exiled** -

I wasn't sorry. I would never be sorry for killing him. I seen the bruises on Alice's wrists that day long ago. I knew he was using her the way he had me.

"Bella?" Colonel called from the back door as I stared out at the tire swing Jasper had put up. "Yeah," I called over my shoulder laughing at his grumbling.

"Mama, is it ready?"

Ali comes running out the back screen with a giggle.

"Don't you see Daddy up there in that tree?" I ask as she grabbed my hand squeezing it tightly.

"Daddy, you betta not fall and break my swing!" Ali screamed at Jasper, and in all the leaves we could barely see his blonde hair wobbling as he bolted the swing in place.

After years of trying, even with Emmett's caution that it was near impossible... Ali came into our life. crying her eyes out, I've yet to let her go since. Even with all the tragedy in my life, I have to say seeing those blue eyes staring up at me. Well, have a kid and you will know. It makes everything worth the travel. Even the bad.

**- Fin -**


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